*Rosie the Riveter hates D-Cases*

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

D-News: Sports Illustrated Strikes Again



Sports Illustrated has struck again by sucking Ali Frokhmanesh into the inexorable vortex that is the SI-Cover Jinx. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/cover/featured/11394/index.htm

Ali had the performance of a lifetime against the Kansas Jayhawks in the second round of the NCAA Men's Basketball tournament which was capped off with a game clinching 3-pointer in the waning moments of the game. As a result, coming into this past weekend's games Frokhmanesh was placed on the cover. You be the judge:
Round of 32 vs. Kansas: 16 pts, 41.7% FG%, 40% 3Pt FG% --> WIN
Sweet 16 vs. Mich St.: 9 pts, 22.2% FG%, 16.7% 3Pt FG% --> LOSE

Friday, March 26, 2010

D-Case of the Week, March Wk4: Jesse James

husband of Sandra Bullock, for cheating on his wife for the better part of a year with a biker model Michelle “Bombshell” McGee while Bullock was filming “The Blind Side”. Reports have also surfaced now that this isn’t James’s only infidelity and that he posted internet ads seeking “biker models”.

D-Case of the Week, March Wk 4: Voting Breakdown


Thursday, March 25, 2010

The D-List: March Week 4

Timothy Andrew Boles - A commercial fisherman who found $230,000 deposited into his checking account and drained it to buy a new car, clothes and a computer…unfortunately the transfer was a mistake (that he made) and the fisherman has been charged with felony theft. Police responding to a disturbance at a hotel arrested the 37-year-old. They seized a 2010 Chevrolet Camaro SS, cash, new clothes and a new laptop.
Links: http://consumerist.com/2010/03/that-mysterious-230000-deposited-in-your-bank-account-is-probably-not-yours.html
http://www.juneauempire.com/stories/032210/sta_593938812.shtml

Ali Frokhmanesh - While not acting alone, he can be held responsible for destroying 42.7% of the brackets on ESPN who had Kansas going all the way. I am nominating him solely on the basis that a large chunk of the March Madness demographic probably think he is worthy of this award, so I am speaking on their behalf.

Kansas Basketball - For laying an egg against a Missouri Valley team. While not acting alone, the Jayhawks can be held responsible for destroying 42.7% of the brackets on ESPN who had them going all the way.

Jesse James - husband of Sandra Bullock, for cheating on his wife for the better part of a year with a biker model Michelle “Bombshell” McGee while Bullock was filming “The Blind Side”. Reports have also surfaced now that this isn’t James’s only infidelity and that he posted internet ads seeking “biker models”.
Link: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/sandra_bullock_hubby_cheated_on_TGTj6ixgQbJGfvQbYNUT4O

Joe Biden - For dropping an f-bomb when congratulating President Obama following heath care reform’s passage into law. Vice President Joe Biden, perhaps overcome with excitement during his speech congratulating President Obama on the passage of health care reform, dropped an F-bomb on live television when he turned to Obama and said, "This is a big f---ing deal." You really have to respect Biden’s awareness and sense for historical ceremony amongst all the excitement…
Link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/23/a-big-fucking-deal-bidens_n_509927.html

Andray Blatche - For allegedly "just not wanting to play" according to Flip Saunders (coach of the Washington Wizards). According to the article: To make matters worse, Wizards Coach Flip Saunders benched starting forward Andray Blatche after he played just 7 minutes 31 seconds. Saunders said he pulled Blatche initially to discuss the player not getting back on defense but that Blatche refused to listen to the coaching staff.Saunders said his assistants attempted to talk to Blatche about the situation multiple times but that Blatche's response was he "just didn't want to play."
Link: http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/Andray-Blatche-just-didn-t-want-to-play-;_ylt=Ar7DlC2OB0epy9amQfXaSDE5nYcB?urn=nba,229909

Tim Tebow - for requesting that the group he was taking the Wonderlic test with say a prayer before the 12 minute, 50 question test. I’m assuming his group mates feel the same way based on the verbal response and the reaction of the group to the response. If you want to say a prayer, by all means (he needed the help apparently; he scored a 22), however keep your religion to yourself during such a tense and important moment involving several people that aren’t Tim Tebow. You aren’t in Gainesville anymore.
Link: http://www.nesn.com/2010/03/report-tim-tebows-prayer-request-during-wonderlic-fell-on-deaf-ears.html

Friday, March 19, 2010

D-Case of the Week, March Wk3: Nancy Pelosi

For urging that the health care bill to be passed so we can see what’s in it. Pelosi stated that Congress "[has] to pass the bill so you can find out what's in it, away from the fog of controversy." Similar to other claims that voters will like ObamaCare better once it’s passed and they get used to it.

Links: http://reason.com/blog/2010/03/09/nancy-pelosi-on-health-care-we http://www.speaker.gov/newsroom/pressreleases?id=1576

D-Case of the Week, March Wk3: Voting Breakdown


Thursday, March 18, 2010

The D-List: March Week 3

Eric Massa - Former congressman Eric Massa initially left office due to “illness”, then alleged he was being “forced out”, then used the catch all excuse of wanting to get out of the “toxic” environment of D.C., then reports of him having tickle fights with young male staffers surfaced. Massa verified those reports and elaborated to say multiple young staffers were involved and that groping was involved but it was “okay” because it was his 50th birthday. Other shenanigans he liked to undertake with his underpaid staffers, that he kept close in a living space that he facilitated for all of them, were his self-trademarked “Massa Massages” and “snorkeling”, a bedtime under the covers activity. When asked if he was gay he said he wouldn’t answer that question but to ask his wife and the 10,000 guys he served with in the Navy.

Nancy Pelosi - For urging that the health care bill to be passed so we can see what’s in it. Pelosi stated that Congress "[has] to pass the bill so you can find out what's in it, away from the fog of controversy." Similar to other claims that voters will like ObamaCare better once it’s passed and they get used to it.
Links: http://reason.com/blog/2010/03/09/nancy-pelosi-on-health-care-we http://www.speaker.gov/newsroom/pressreleases?id=1576

Gilbert Arenas - He was suspended from the NBA for his gun antics in the locker room and for making light of it on the court. Recently Arenas admitted to Esquire magazine that he was rightfully punished for his actions and that at one point in time he had as many as 500 firearms in his home.
Link: http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/rumors/post/Wizards-Arenas-had-500-guns-?urn=nba,228215

Christine Brennan - Christine is the columnist that ripped Obama last year for filling out a Men's NCAA Bracket on Sportscenter but not a Women's bracket. I nominate her now because Obama caved and filled out a women's bracket this year too to avoid another firestorm of controversy from idiots like Christine.

Barack Obama - For succumbing to the pressure of the media and filling out a Women's NCAA Bracket after the backlash from last year when he publicly filled out only a Men's NCAA Bracket

Somali Pirates - for their idiocy in not being able to tell the difference between a merchant ship and a war ship and attacking it. O ya, and they’re pirates.
Link: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100317/ap_on_re_af/piracy

International Maritime Lawmakers - for ridiculous laws that discourage piracy none at all. In the case of the EU Naval Force vs the Somali Pirates, the EU Naval Force only apprehended the weapons aboard the pirate skiff, but took no further action against the pirates and even let them go.
Link: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100317/ap_on_re_af/piracy

Ron Washington - The manager of the Texas Rangers test positive for cocaine use during the 2009 MLB season. There's not really any further explanation of this nomination necessary.
Link: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/baseball/mlb/03/17/washington/index.html?eref=sihp

Monday, March 15, 2010

The Official D-Train?

"Life is tough ... It's even tougher if you're stupid."
-John Wayne-

The Good news: It was a normal day in Sharon Springs , KS when a Union Pacific crew boarded a loaded coal train for the long trek to Salina.

The Bad news: Just a few miles into the trip a wheel bearing became overheated and melted, letting a metal support drop down and grind on the rail, creating white hot molten metal droppings spewing down to the rail.

The Good news: A very alert crew noticed smoke about halfway back in the train and immediately stopped the train in compliance with the rules.

The Bad news: The train stopped with the hot wheel over a wooden bridge with creosote ties and trusses.

The crew explained the dire situation to higher-ups but were instructed not to move the train! They were instructed "Rules" prohibit moving the train when a part is defective!




RULES ARE RULES
(Don't let common sense get in the way of a good disaster!)

Friday, March 12, 2010

D-Case of the Week, March Wk2: Torii Hunter

For referring to black latino baseball players as "imposters" while in the same breath claiming that "where [a player] was born and raised makes no difference." Torii also stated a theory that African-Am players have that "baseball can go get an imitator and pass them of as us...It's like 'why should I get this kid from Chicago and pay him $5 million when you can get a Domincan guy for a bag of chips?'"

For the full story go here: http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AmX10cUVxn9kzuNm8UQefvwRvLYF?slug=ap-angels-huntercomments&prov=ap&type=lgns

D-Case of the Week, March Wk2: Voting Breakdown


Thursday, March 11, 2010

The D-List: March Week 2

Spam, Spam Blogging - for infiltrating the official D-Case of the Week website via the D-Countdown. Most notably the site osptp.org (I wouldn’t recommend going there, I haven’t, but I don’t think it’s worth it) has something to do with it. Thanks to Google-Chrome osptp was diagnosed as the web-virus and the appropriate “Malicious Attack” warning identified osptp as the perpetrator.

Ben Roethlisberger - for, yet again, finding himself amongst a media firestorm of sexual assault allegations. Roethlisberger was most recently accused of assaulting a 20 year old colllege student and last year was accused of sexual assault at a celebrity golf tournament. Roethlisberger has admitted to police that there was sexual contact but denies the two had intercourse. He also denies the assault charges, saying that the girl slipped and fell amidst the sexual contact.
Links: http://www.covers.com/articles/articles.aspx?theArt=183621&t=0
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/03/11/earlyshow/main6288469.shtml

Women's Basketball - enough already…seriously

Ronnie Ricks - Ronnie was driving a stolen SUV and pulled up alongside a police cruiser to ask for directions to the interstate. The problem was that the SUV was stolen, o ya and he found to be in possession of marijuana too
Link: http://blog.trutv.com/dumb_as_a_blog/2010/03/no-direction.html

Lindsay Lohan - For filing a $100 million pain and suffering lawsuit against E-Trade for their newest baby-trader commercial that features a girl baby “milkaholic” who is referred to as Lindsay. Lindsay’s attorney claims that “They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.” Her attorney has also asserted that “Lohan has elevated ‘Lindsay’ to the same sort of one-off recognition status as ‘Madonna’ or ‘Cher’.”
Links: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/reliable-source/2010/03/celebrity_justice_lindsay_loha.html
http://wallstcheatsheet.com/breaking-news/etrade-should-sue-lindsey-lohan-for-frivolous-lawsuit/?p=7894/

Torii Hunter - For referring to black latino baseball players as "imposters" while in the same breath claiming that "where [a player] was born and raised makes no difference." Torii also stated a theory that African-Am players have that "baseball can go get an imitator and pass them of as us...It's like 'why should I get this kid from Chicago and pay him $5 million when you can get a Domincan guy for a bag of chips?'"
Link: http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylt=AmX10cUVxn9kzuNm8UQefvwRvLYF?slug=ap-angels-huntercomments&prov=ap&type=lgns

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Canadians Also Win Gold For Synchronized Peeing

The City of Edmonton charted water consumption during the hockey gold medal game and found that the whole damn town apparently saved its "business" for the intermissions. [Pat's Papers]
Courtesy of Dashiell Bennett, the author of this post (dashiell@deadspin.com)

Monday, March 8, 2010

The D-Case A+ Grade of the Week

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment...


After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a shovel.

Mrs. Harrington

The Official D-Saw?

Saturday, March 6, 2010

D-Case of the Week, March Wk1: Aleksandr Zoubkov


For his obvious glee at a Canadian crash followed by his realization that he was on TV and his complete fake change in demeanor.

View the full video here: http://deadspin.com/5480239/russian-bobsledder-a-little-too-pleased-by-canadian-wipeout

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The D-List: March Week 1

Russian Olympic Committee - for their epic failure to obtain their predicted 40 medals (they actually got 15) and for the embarrassing hockey loss to Canada. In addition, now the Russian president is highly encouraging many of the Russian coaches to show the courage to step down due to their incompetence.
Links: http://en.rian.ru/russia/20100301/158052264.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/mar/01/russian-president-olympics-chiefs-quit

Aleksandr Zoubkov - for his obvious glee at a Canadian crash followed by his realization that he was on TV and his complete fake change in demeanor
Link: http://deadspin.com/5480239/russian-bobsledder-a-little-too-pleased-by-canadian-wipeout

Bruce Ivins - The anthrax terrorist guy was up to no good during the time he was masterminding his attack. See story below. Apparently, he was obsessed with cross dressing and the Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority.
Link: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/03/01/anthrax-letter-scientist-obsessed-bondage-sorority/

Michael Vick - Mike Vick is back in the news b/c he declared on “Gangsta Grills”, an Atlanta radio program, where he would like to play next season, The Carolina Panthers. The reason…."It's close to home. I like the uniforms. You get to play against Atlanta twice a year," said Vick.
Link: http://www.examiner.com/x-28550-Roanoke-Sports-Examiner~y2010m3d3-Could-Michael-Vick-be-a-Panther-this-fall

Guy Morris - Guy Morris, the former Baylor head coach who is now at Division II Texas A&M-Commerce. As the article says, "A college football coach in Texas is backing players accused of removing every copy of a student newspaper from racks around campus because of a front-page article about teammates being arrested on drug charges, according to a police report." And what really makes him worthy of a nomination is this quote: “I’m proud of my players for doing that,” Morris said, according to an incident report. “This was the best team building exercise we have ever done.” If that's the best team building exercise his team has ever done, that explains a lot about why he's no longer a Division I coach and is instead at Texas A&M-Commerce.
Link: http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/news?slug=ap-coach-newspaperflap&prov=ap&type=lgns

D-Case of the Month - February: John Edwards



Lied about fathering a child with his mistress, convincing his best friend to take credit for being the father. Made a “tape” with his pregnant mistress that is now in the possession of his former best friend. Did the above while his wife was battling cancer. Told his mistress that after his wife died from cancer, after he became president, he would get Dave Matthews Band to play at their wedding.

D-Case of the Month - February: Voting Breakdown


The D-List: Month of February

John Edwards - Lied about fathering a child with his mistress, convincing his best friend to take credit for being the father. Made a “tape” with his pregnant mistress that is now in the possession of his former best friend. Did the above while his wife was battling cancer. Told his mistress that after his wife died from cancer, after he became president, he would get Dave Matthews Band to play at their wedding

Scott Hall Peeping Tom - Frank Marescalco - Police said a man recorded women on video as they showered inside a University of Nebraska-Omaha dorm. Marescalco was cited on suspicion of unlawful intrusion. He has been banned from UNO property, police said. Police believe Marescalco hid a camera in laundry to record the women on the university's Aksarben campus. Police said the recordings took place between February and May of 2008

Kanye West - Kanye was on a flight out of LAX to New York on Monday night when he found that he wasn’t seated in first class. He, along with his assistant, were seated in business class, instead. He proceeded to throw a hissy fit of epic proportions until the situation was remedied. A source said, “He wanted to be bumped up.” And he was.

Sarah Palin - Defending Rush Limbaugh’s use of the word retard while attack Rahm Emmanuel’s use of the word AND for her “hand-o-prompter” incident at the Tea Party convention.

Steve Phillips - The Baseball Tonight/ESPN Broadcaster who was fired last August for having an affair with a production assistant at ESPN. He was married to his wife for 19 years and had 4 kids at the time. He's just now back in the news because he's come out of "Sex Addiction Rehab" and did an interview on the Today Show.

TSA, New Jersey - The Transportation Security Administration forced a 4 year old boy to remove his leg braces and go through the metal detector by himself last March. The boy was born 16 weeks prematurely and just started to walk last March b/c his ankles are malformed and his legs have low muscle tone. Despite all this the TSA screeners insisted that the boy take off his braces and walk through the detector unaccompanied; his mother wanted to help him through but TSA wouldn’t let her, instead the boy had to stumble through the detector himself. To top it all off this was the boy’s first flight and he was on his way to Disney World for a birthday celebration. TSA just recently came out with an apology which was only a reaction to a column written about the matter.

Meredith Vieira - to sum things up, basically she confused a Canadian named Terry Fox, who ran across the country to raise money for cancer, with the actor Michael J. Fox. Not only did she confuse the two, but it's rather hilarious because while she's talking about "Michael Fox" they show a picture of Terry Fox with a T-shirt on that even says, "Terry Fox Marathon" on it. And then they show a picture of Michael J. Fox and somehow they think they're the same guy.

Scott Disick - the boyfriend of one of the Kardashian sisters (Kourtney who is extremely good looking and rich). He does not have a job and completely mooches off of the family, dresses and acts like a complete D-Bag, and thinks he is tough when he is actually skinnier than Scott and Jess. On the last episode after getting drunk (see clip below) he shows up to the family dinner and gets cut off from the alcohol. He then gets in the waiter’s face (who is a homosexual and talking shit back to Scott with a lisp) and tries to force the guy to get him a drink. The waiter refuses and then Scott takes out a hundred dollar bill and shoves it down the guy’s throat.

Elija Fields - The safety/linebacker was kicked off the team for unconfirmed disciplinary reasons. Apparently it stems from some online social networking blunders. A quick look at Fields' Twitpic page may offers a clue as to why. Back on Feb. 2, he posted some extremely incriminating photos of a ginormous pile of cash, including one with a comment saying , "Never knew Football was gon get me all this money Sike I Knew haha.”

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

D-March(and April/May/June) Madness

The NCAA set to expand the Men's College Basketball Tournament to 4096 teams!


NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

D-Case of the Week, February (4): Scott Disick


The boyfriend of one of the Kardashian sisters. He does not have a job and completely mooches off of the family, dresses and acts like a complete D-Bag, and thinks he is tough when he is actually skinnier than Scott and Jess. On the last episode after getting drunk (see clip below) he shows up to the family dinner and gets cut off from the alcohol. He then gets in the waiter’s face (who is a homosexual and talking shit back to Scott with a lisp) and tries to force the guy to get him a drink. The waiter refuses and then Scott takes out a hundred dollar bill and shoves it down the guy’s throat.



Baset Chaundhry was exonerated as a result of the first D-Call in D-Case of the Week history.

D-Case of the Week, February (4) D-Call: Voting Breakdown